I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
