I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
