I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
