Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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