I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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