Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
