ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
