I hope mine doesn't look like that
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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