My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
