how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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