Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
