I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
