can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
