He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
