I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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