Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
