dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
