you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
