he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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