If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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