If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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