People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
