Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
