So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
