He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
