thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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