you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
worst night to have a conscience
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
