Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
