Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
