i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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