i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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