Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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