very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
