Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
So many bounce houses so little time
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
