So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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