youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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