so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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