my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
