I want to make a zoo with you.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
