I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
