Girls should come with a carfax report
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
