I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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