she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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