I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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