Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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