I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
