so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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