pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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