New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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