"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
