If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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