i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
