and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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