Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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