dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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