i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I enjoy the company of your penis
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
