it was like eating out sand paper
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
