I want to make a zoo with you.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
