My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
