Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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